Wannabe Martha

Still trying to figure out which Martha

It’s 2015 and I’m Grateful

A couple weeks before Christmas that word – gratitude – kept showing up everywhere on my radar.  Everywhere.  I’m a little thick in the head sometimes, but not so thick that I can’t realize when I’m being pinged. I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude; specifically what does it mean to live a life of gratitude?  What does that look like in practice?  It’s fine and dandy to talk about being all grateful for our blessings (blah, blah blah…..), but how does that translate into an actual, conscious awareness and execution?

I’m still not entirely sure, but that’s my thing for the year. I’m going, to the best of my ability, figure out what it means to live a life of gratitude and do it.

One thing that has become clear  is that there needs to be a measure of deliberation, of purpose, in one’s conduct.  I have spent the last four years largely functioning by the seat of my pants.  It makes for a chaotic life and state of mind.  My time away from (most) things internet helped tremendously – in a lot of ways (I’ll get into them later), but one thing in particular that stood out was that after more than a year playing with my blog, I still didn’t have any sort of focus.  That’s changing a bit now – and this is a good thing in my estimation.

Just so no one gets their knickers in a twist, I haven’t gone all super-broody-and-introspective-and-dour-and-humorless.  Quite the contrary.  And here’s why – gratitude lightens the heart, as does having a sense of purpose.  I no longer feel like I’m just bobbing along in the water, completely at the mercy of the waves and current, powerless to act.  It’s a dark and sometimes frightening way to live – and that needs to change.

So, here’s a little something for which I’m profoundly grateful – the very lovely people I’ve met over the past year online.  Actually, it’s been life-changing in the best possible way.

Salt mines calling.

Happy New Year to all.

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Falling off the end of the earth

Not quite, but it feels that way.

This year was another “first” for me.  One of those bad “firsts”.

This was the first Christmas where I’m the only one of my immediate family (Father, Mother, brothers, me) still here.

People say that time heals wounds and makes hurts go away.  I don’t think so.  I just get scabbed over.  And then I get afraid that I won’t feel.  So I rip them off.  It hurts and the wounds bleed, but at least I feel.

This evening I’m going to think about all the reasons to reflect with joy on 2013 – and it might be a hard task, but rather than wish it good riddance, I think I’d rather it just rest in peace and for that, I need to make peace with it.

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Is it bad form to whine right before Thanksgiving?

Let me start off by stating that I have a lot to be thankful for (bad grammar not withstanding).  I have two beautiful daughters, a wonderful sister-in-law, three handsome nephews.  I have some of the best friends anyone could ever ask for and a parish that has helped me through some very bleak days.   I have a comfy home in a great neighborhood; a fantastic job; outstanding co-workers; and a pesky dog.

Good Grief!  There’s nothing to whine about (except the bad grammar of course).

A Happy and safe Thanksgiving to all.

(The girls and I are headed to my in-laws for Thanksgiving; it’s going to be a great time; if all goes according to the usual, there will be plenty to write about 🙂 )

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