Inner Toddler Tantrum · Ranty McRant

How to Insult Someone Without Even Trying

Her:       So, Maevey, do you think your house would be cleaner if you didn’t have to work?

Me:        No, not really.

Her:       Why not?

Me:        Well, (you stupid cow), because if I wasn’t working I’d be sitting outside by the pool, drinking mimosas and reading some good trashy novels all day, not cleaning the (damn) house.

Her:       Oh.  Well, I guess it’s nice that you know what your priorities are.

Me:        Yes, it is (plus I un-friend you).

(I was only thinking the parts in parentheses – and I didn’t think the word “cow”, but I’m trying to clean up my potty-mouth, er potty-thoughts)

20 thoughts on “How to Insult Someone Without Even Trying

    1. Exactly!! You’d think from the exchange that my home looked like a bomb went off – but that’s not the case – it just looks like people actually live here (I will grant, however, that certain individual(s) – have a somewhat more flexible definition of what constitutes “putting away one’s clothes” than others may have)

  1. Firstly, she was just plain rude.

    Secondly, one of the things I’ve had to accept (especially since we started homeschooling) is that a house where people do more than stop by to shower and grab a sandwich will look different than on where people actually live, and cook whole meals, and whatnot.

    That doesn’t mean the house isn’t clean. It is usually cleaner than most. It just means you (or I) don’t spend every moment running around picking up after each family member to keep it looking spotless.

    1. I’m still kicking myself (slightly) for taking that passive-aggressive bait!, and then turning about and being so obnoxious myself. Le Sigh.

      But you’re right that when you have a house where people actually spend time and their friends hang out, well, there are going to be signs of life – and truth be told, I kind of like that. The time will come soon enough when it’s just me and my things here; right now, I’ll live with some smudges on the screen door and the occasional lone shoe that gets left in the living room.

    2. Amen. A real home will never look like Martha Stewart has been there with her staff of 30 preparing it for a photoshoot. And thank God for that.

      I actually tell Mrs. bubba not to clean up after our kids, but rather to say “you made the mess, you clean it up.” We are getting there bit by bit.

      (as Martha feels a disturbance in the schwartz, er force…..have you ever seen her and Darth together? Me either)

      1. “A real home will never look like Martha Stewart has been there with her staff of 30 preparing it for a photoshoot. And that’s a good thing!”

        Fixed it for ya!

      2. NSR, yes, it’s a good thing, and thank God for it. Love’s a little bit dirty, no? :^)

        Maeve, worse yet, Elspeth’s Pollyanna post has me thinking about the final scene from “The Life of Brian”. Oy! Echoes of my misspent youth….

  2. My next door neighbor works…and her house is immaculate. Of course she has her own housecleaning business. 😉

    MY house is not immaculate, and I don’t work. I do have four cats, a dog, two children, and a husband who likes to fix things.

    1. We have a resident little old lady dog – and she’s not much to manage, but she’s a lab and she sheds, so we sweep and vacuum daily. We also dust daily (living/dining rooms) and mop kitchen daily and tidy up bathrooms. So the house is “clean”, but yes, no way around it, there is still too much clutter – I’m working on it, but sheesh – I put in @60 hours/week at my job. I think the other part is that she really doesn’t get that just because my office is in my sunroom doesn’t mean that I’m not really at work.

      1. I’ll try that Hearthie – those things do cost a fortune. Wish I could get a Murphy’s Oil Soap version tho.

  3. O/T, Maeve:

    Are you guys preparing just in case T.S Arthur decides to scrape the S. Carolina coast? All he is giving us is cooler temperatures and a breeze, but you guys…

    Said a prayer either way.

    1. I’m trying to decide what to do, actually. There’s no way I could board up, but if we need to leave, that’s not too much of a problem. My neighbor’s sons will help me bring in the deck furniture, and that kind of thing. We’re getting some pretty tuff looking waves at the beach tho 🙂

      I appreciate the prayer – and truth be told, was thinking about you, too, and hoping it would just skirt on by.

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