Wannabe Martha

Still trying to figure out which Martha


on February 11, 2014


They don’t smile like this anymore. I can forgive a lot, but not this.

[Ed. 12 Feb – my dear friends – thank you all for your prayers and kind words of support.  I can’t begin to express my appreciation and thankfulness.  Let me also convey my apologies for causing any undue worry or concern.  Things all of a sudden came to a head and the only smart thing I could do was just stand down.  When you’re finally forced to accept things you just denied and denied and denied, well, it’s just about the most overwhelming feeling out there.  I don’t think I handled it all that well and I certainly needed some space to get myself under control.

Maybe now that this red haze is starting to clear from my vision, I can get back to productive things, like blogging about Blue Velvet Birthday Cake; and how it’s not enough that we have tights with holes in them, but also now the dog is eating the feet off them; and  how some people in my family don’t understand that every day missed during the regular school year needs to be made up at the end of the year; and it’s nearly impossible to get exploded marshmallows off the inside of the microwave; and how one of my CCD students seemed to think that one of the 10 Commandments was “thou shalt not plagiarize” (because all he could remember was that I used plagiarism as an example of taking something which does not belong to you, ie, “Miss Maeve, which one is the plagiarism one?”).  And maybe this stupid headache will take a hike already!  -Maeve]


17 responses to “Fallout

  1. theshadowedknight says:

    You must forgive. I have experienced a betrayal like yours, and I have experienced the pain and difficulty it caused. You must find a way to let go of all that. It will consume you, until the hate is all that you have left. For their sake, if nothing else, you must forgive. What will they do if they lose their mother to this, as well?

    Forgive, Maeve, or it will destroy you.

    The Shadowed Knight

    [I know it will – really, I do. It’s just that I thought I had it all tied down, you know? And then I’m cleaning out a drawer, and there’s that picture and it set something off in me. The proverbial straw, you know what I mean?]

  2. Sis says:

    they look so beautiful in that picture. Are you doing okay?

    [Thank you, Sis. They are good girls. I’m OK now. Sometimes you just need to fall back, know what I mean?]

  3. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Maeve, since I don’t know what is hurting you, I can’t help. Here is a bear video to cheer you up!

    [Too cute Fuzzie! It’s funny how they play just like little kids. Or maybe it’s that little kids play like pandas 🙂 ]

    • FuzzieWuzzie says:

      Maeve, I am beginning to worry. In the meanwhile another bear video.

      [I’d have had a freakin heart attack if I encountered that! It looks so lifelike!]

      • FuzzieWuzzie says:

        Maeve, That picture is years old. It’s sad that kids carry so much of the pain of what others should. While I can’t restore their father, I’ll keep posting bear videos. It’s all I can do.
        Somewhere in the Old Testament it says “Vengence is Mine, sayeth the Lord”. Let go and leave it to Him. You can’t carry it and it seems to be killing you.

        [yes – it’s from the year before he left, so will be 5 years ago this coming Thanksgiving. Don’t worry Fuzzie – no looking for vengeance – and not looking to hoard the anger either.]

  4. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Maeve, I don’t know if you are caught up in the huge power outage

  5. Elspeth says:

    Dear Maeve,

    Stay strong. I’m saying prayers for you and your darling girls.

    [Thank you Elspeth – it means a great deal!]

  6. Ton says:

    God bless you and yours darling

    [Thank you Ton. 🙂 ]

  7. Chris says:

    Maeve I will not inflict the Manitobian branch of the family on you, but if you want help and prayers E or SSM know how to contact me.

    [Thanks Chris. I greatly appreciate it.]

  8. sunshinemary says:

    Maeve, I understand. A mother’s love is fierce. You can get over him hurting you, but hurting your children? This is nearly unforgivable to a mother.

    We can only remember that your God is their God, and He loves them and can make right what others have destroyed.

    But I understand what small comfort that can be in the moment.

    [Yes, SSM, you’re right in that I can get over the hurt to me, and I can forgive it, but so much harder to forgive the hurt done to my children. I keep TSK’s words running though my head that it may be difficult, but it’s necessary to let go of anger and forgive. I pray about it a lot.]

  9. margaret1910 says:

    Oh, Maeve..I know what you are talking about. I pray that God will help your precious girls. And you, of course. Hang in there. I am so very sorry..it hurts so much worse when it is your children’s pain.

    [Thank you Margaret. I sometimes feel as though I’m part of an exclusive club that nobody wants to belong to, and everyone avoids like the plague, and yet – here I am – a card-carrying member. I greatly appreciate your kind words.]

  10. FuzzieWuzzie says:

    Maeve, You’re alive!! Given the tone of the original post, coupled with no responses to bear videos, I was afraid that you had gone off the deep end.
    You have people out there you’ve never met who care about you.

    • Maeve says:

      Thank you Fuzzie. My internet is out due to more global warming, so I’m using phone and it’s really unwieldy. I was just in a very bad place and not fit for any company, neither human nor bear; didn’t even look at my site until last night and very touched by such kindness. Friends are indeed a great blessing.

  11. Je Suis Prest says:

    (Hugs). I’m glad to read that you’re feeling more yourself. Just want you to know that I am praying for you and your girls.

    [Thank you. Time does help – but I wish it would hurry up a bit 🙂 ]

  12. Amanda says:

    I am praying for you, too! I always find such comfort in knowing, as a very wise lady once said to me, “the Lord knows all about it.” I say that to myself all the time.

    A favorite of mine:

    Psalm 139
    O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
    2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    You understand my thought from afar.
    3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
    And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
    4 Even before there is a word on my tongue,
    Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
    5 You have enclosed me behind and before,
    And laid Your hand upon me.
    6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

    Hugs to you and may you be encouraged.

    [Thanks Amanda – that’s a wonderful piece of wisdom and I’ll take to reminding myself of it.]

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