Wannabe Martha

Still trying to figure out which Martha

The Earth Does NOT Open Up and Swallow You Whole

on August 29, 2013

I need a category of just how many more awkward encounters can I have before I explode.

Saturday I bought a new (to me) car.  From the H.  He’s a very good salesman and he knew I was looking for something to replace my very high mileage Jeep.  I really like the vehicle – only 5 years old, low mileage and perfect payment.  A win all the way around.

So I’m sitting in the finance office because you know – loan paperwork and all.  And it occurs to me that I don’t know if the loan officer realizes that I’m actually still (technically) married to the salesman.  Well, we get to a point where I had some question and the Finance guy calls the H in over the loudspeaker.  The H comes into the office and we clarify the item in question.  He gets out the door and then I hear her.  It’s the GF.  They both come back into the Finance office.  I plaster a pleasant smile on my face. The H says “Hey, (let’s call her) Autumn wants to show you some boots.”  “Great” I answer.  “Autumn” strolls in, “I was just dropping off lunch to him” smile, smile, smile, “You have to see these boots…they are the cutest… ABC Department store has them on sale!”  Her cell phone is shoved in my face with a picture of (I have to admit) very cute boots;  I nod and admire and agree they are wonderful.

Finance guy is taking it all in and comments, ‘Wow (name of H), you really have the best of both worlds here.”  I immediately realize that the Finance guys things we’re divorced and the only way he could think that is that it’s been alluded to that we are divorced and that the H is married to the GF and that we’re all ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.

I’m thinking to myself, “Please Dear God in Heaven, let the earth just open up and swallow me whole.”  Apparently, my demise was not on His agenda for the day.  We all smile through the awkwardness (I’m not sure if the Finance guy realized the blunder or not), the H ushers the GF away, and I finally finish all my paperwork and drive away with my new vehicle (which I really do love).

Now one would think that this would sort of be the end of things.  And it would be, if “one” were not “me”.  Two days later, I am back at the dealership because I need help with some paperwork – I am selling my Jeep to my BF (that would be Best Friend) who needs something for errands, etc., and the Jeep is perfect.  The H has a bill of sale and all the stuff we need to make the transaction happen.  BF and I head up to dealership.  We enter and ask for the H.  The guy turns to me and asks my name, and then when I tell him, he says to me, “oh, are you his wife?”  And I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!  BF elbows me, so I just smile and say “yes” – which is true, of course.

Anyway, the H comes out and helps us fill out our docs and then we leave.  I didn’t say anything to him about telling the other salesperson I was his wife.  I guess he must have figured it out.  I’m going to make a huge exception to my standard rule and NOT get all guilty over it.

Also, I tore a giant hole in the tire of my new car on the same day I bought it, but that’s another story.  Also, the earth did not swallow me whole for that either.

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